The Entertainer

If there is one thing I find useless in my house, it’s definitely my alarm since it has never woken me up. I am usually up before cockcrow, before Muslim clerics call for prayer and before impatient Danfo drivers start blaring horns for early commuters.The only thing my alarm seems good at is disturbing my morning routine. Morning routine for me means meditation and on rare occasions; a session at the gym. Hitting the gym requires the kind of self-motivation that I struggle with, little wonder my six packs are still…… On the other hand, the most important thing in my house, which lies next to my bed, is my jukebox If you are wondering why local man can’t survive without music, it’s because the jukebox puts me on a HIFRICKUENCY.That’s what I operate on I am no Speed Darlington, but I am not regular. On days where others are laid back, hifrickuency moves me forward and you are about to discover why.My career has converted people’s Saturday to my Monday, Their public holidays to my workdays. And that means unlike a 9 to 5, I have no official resumption nor closing time Punctuality is the sole of business and as a man who has no job, I better be about the sole of my business. I have a couple to join in a couple of hours or more. Did I just sound like a clergy? Oh no! My duty is to join the couple at their reception where I put a seal of joy on their Blissful matrimony. That’s one of the ways local man makes ends meet. Life is a traffic jam. Ever since I heard that statement, it has just stuck with me. Its become my favourite maxim because that’s the most obvious thing about my city of residence, it’s become my favourite maxim. It resonates with me because I can choose what vehicles are in the traffic jam of my life and I must also make the rules to ease the traffic. In other words, I set my priorities to favour me.To avoid choice of outfit delaying me on a work day like this, I always have my dress rehearsals which starts with what event am I hosting? Who are my clients? What would paint me the picture I want to portray? Such questions guide my choice. After which I try them on and see how I look and feel. On this particular day, I’ve got an Efik groom from the US and an Igbuzo bride from Delta state and its a traditional wedding so a suit won’t be suitable for the occasion. I’ll choose a bright coloured tradorate(from traditional and corporate) attire. That way, I can look in the mirror and say see person pikin see as e fresh.The stress of covering the distance between my house…..and the venue….is proportional to the cab that comes to my rescue. The driver arrives in a corolla and boom we’re on our way to my office for the day. Though it’s a weekend, with light traffic, I had to leave earlyI don’t want the city playing a fast one on me. Local man can’t afford to refund due to lateness. This year, I got my no refund policy activated and I must fulfil my end of the bargain.Twenty five minutes into the trip, local man discovered that he didn’t pick his invoice for the client, handkerchief for his sweaty palms and his Debit card. So do I ask the driver to turn back? Do I proceed? I spent another three minutes on the dilemma before deciding to proceed. I began to mentally solve each problem posed by my forgetfulness. I’ll print another invoice from my phone since I have the soft copy, buy handkerchief on the way and Carry out transactions via internet banking.I finally arrived at the venue of the reception. The only people there before me were the DJ, the live band and of course the decorator. We exchanged pleasantries and I started the charade of taking photographs. After over a hundred shots, I switched to delete mode. That’s how I keep myself busy on the outside while waiting for my clients. On the inside however, I’m hosting the whole event in abstract from start to finish and also praying that I have a smooth run. They finally arrive and I set the roller-coaster in motion. From energetic dance steps to and spontaneous one liners, the fun was endless. The client was so impressed I could see the blushes. That look strikes a match in me and that lights up my energy level the more. I was so hyper that anyone would have mistaken me for the groom. That’s one benefit of my duty. It allows me have fun while I work. Well at least when it’s allowed. Some designations don’t even allow me adjust my tie. Another benefit of my duty at events is the opportunity to foster relationships with great people on the guest lists And that’s something I don’t take for granted. That’s how I met Aliko Dangote soon. Did I just confuse you? Sorry about that. It’s a prophecy. On a more serious note, I’ve met quality people in the line of duty. In subsequent episodes, I will probably share the details with you but certainly, I will share how hifrickuency helps me get the best out of work while work gets the most out of me.

And after such a hectic day, you want to tell me I’m rude for sleeping off on you? It’s like you’re not understanding. I am tired and stressed out. Even this one I’m writing will soon be turnioniown as the pen itself is as tired as the hand holding it. Dear readers, with this few points of mine I hope I’ve been able to convince you that my bed calls and I need to pick up. Ciao.
See also  Diary of a Naija Banker
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