Favour Stabbed Me In The Back.

One of the easiest things to seek in this life is a Favor. People ask for these favors most times without even thinking. “Please can you help me with this..”, “I am really in a tight situation and would please want you to …”, “I can’t afford to pay that price, is it possible for you to please …”, “I know it is your policy but can you please bend on my behalf…”, “Favors really are easy, I mean all I require is for him or her to assist me in this or that, they are really not losing anything. If anything, they would have gained a regular customer with me always patronizing them if this favor is granted. I really can’t afford that price and I would really have to beg them for this favor to get the price I can accommodate”.

Even though seeking favors are not bad, many have abused the process. It has been the basis for most sales or purchase negotiations for as long as I can remember- watching my mum haggle with meat traders in the market as she fed into the traders’ nature and need for superiority by giving them the impression that they are in a superior position to grant us a favor (reduced prices or better incentives) for which we would be eternally grateful. And this might work for the roadside trader who as a virtue of lack of proximity, might never come in contact with you again to enable him to cash in on this newly found leverage.

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Favor empowers the person granting them with a pseudo-authority to either make the receiver happy or sad. It automatically puts the person requesting in a beggarly position and gives power to the person granting the favor.

I believe, in life just like science states that POWER (ENERGY) cannot be created but only transferred from one point to the other. Every man has an INNATE power which can be measured by the number of people you have the capacity to influence. I call it the POWER OF INFLUENCE (PoI). I believe that man was created to primarily interact and influence. Gen 1—

When you step into a place, the value of your Power of Influence is immediately measured by a few things: your dressing, your speech, and your charisma. In totality, your packaging. What simply happens is the person you approach sizes you up based on these few things to conclude whether he or she would be willing to give you the power to influence them. They analyze you to confirm if deferring to your judgment on a matter would be the best thing for them. So whenever you open your mouth you either encourage people to transfer some of their power to you leaving them dependent on you and your decisions or you give off some of your power. All influential men are simply empowered by the many people whose power of decision has been transferred to them either as a virtue of their position in an organization or their ability to talk those people into submitting to their influence.

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 Psychologically, when you seek favor, you transfer a portion of your power of influence to the person with the authority to grant you that favor. This is why after favors are granted, people most times feel indebted to the grantor of such favors.

Looking at my previous example which stems from my experience of having to unwillingly accompany my mother to the market as she navigated the several stalls of her “CUSTOMERS”, I realized that she always made a beeline to certain stalls where she had received bargains /favors on previous visits, ignoring the several other stall owners who were falling over themselves to get her attention. She felt indebted to her CUSTOMER and felt the urge to hear from him first, many times dragging me into the deep of the market when I was sure we could have gotten better deals without having to go that far or ruin my shoes in the mushy environment of the market.

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This is also true in the workplace as favors blind us to better potential, make us unconscious slaves to the whims and caprices of our dear benefactors, making us gullible and accepting whatever is dished out to us.

I learnt this rather late and found myself wondering most times why people felt they had the right to disrespect me or make some outrageous demands with a sense of entitlement, I soon realized I had asked for one favor too many.

My takeaway from this is that as much as possible, try to never be the one requesting or begging for a favor. In fact, when it is offered, make them feel privileged that you accepted the gesture. That way, it seems as though you have done them a favor by accepting their offer.

Never let anyone leave your presence thinking he has done you a favor for which he would expect to draw against in the future.

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